Don’t kill yourself. That’s my only thougth since weeks, months. Please. I guess I could scream “I love you and I’m here for you!”, but you still wouldn’t hear it. So how am I supposed to show you that you’re not alone, that I still think about you? How? I don’t know.

I have this picture in my mind - You lie on the floor, you’re dead, blood is everywhere. And I didn’t stop you. Isn’t it selfish that I don’t want to have these feelings of guilt? But it’s not just that…
You’re broken. I know. You don’t belong here. I know. But you told me once that I shouldn’t give up. That I’m pathetic when I give up. So why are you allowed to kill yourself when I wasn’t?

What can I do to keep you alive? I don’t know what I would do when you wouldn’t be alive anymore…

“Staying alive. So boring, isn’t it?”

I feel like this quote describes my current mood. It’s so… boring. And exhausting.
I know what I want and I know which of these things are unrealistic. And the things I want the most are unrealistic. I can’t be with you, I can’t help you. And it seems like these are the only things who are… interesting. Everything else seems so pointless. Finding a “good” job, buying stuff I don’t need, talking to people who will leave me in the end.
You are seriously the only thing that fascinates me. I never know what you’ll do and I still don’t know why I’m so obsessed with you, but this uncertainty is the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. 

I wish I knew what to do or what to say. I wish there was a way to help you. But… I’m sorry. For everything. But it isn’t easy to see you suffer. I just wish I knew what to do…